You work 8 hours to live 4. You work 6 days to enjoy 1. You work 8 hours to eat in 15 minutes. You work 8 hours to sleep 5. You work all year just to take a week or two vacation. You work all your life to retire in old age, and contemplate only your last breaths.
Eventually you realize that life is nothing but a parody of yourself practicing for your own oblivion. We have become so accustomed to material and social slavery that we no longer see the chains.
Life is a short journey, live it. Collect memories, not material things. – Jay Shetty
~
2024 a year in review.
My wife and I each packed a small bag. We went to a small house a short distance from the beach in Hollywood, Florida. Hollywood or Hollyweird is a strange, eclectic, wonderful little beach community. For one month we had no plans. No agenda. No lists. I wasn’t using paid vacation. I wasn’t getting away from work. I wasn’t fleeing from cold weather. I wasn’t burnt out, overworked, or stressed. I wasn’t unhappy or needing a break. I wasn’t having some kind of mental crisis. I’m none of those things. I haven’t been any of them since I started freelancing in 2022. Thank you being laid off.
Vitamin D and freedom.
We just decided to go. This opportunity presented itself and we accepted its offer. We both love the ocean, the sand, and the sun. We also love each other equally. That’s all we focused our attention on. That’s it. Neither one of us really like Florida so weren’t going to Florida for Florida. We were just stepping out and off the merry go round nature of our lives for 30 days. The only thing I knew for sure I was going to do was eat, sleep, and train. I also planned to go to the beach and immerse myself in the ocean.
When I was a kid I could get on my bike, sit in the saddle and pedal. I could just go. I didn’t know what was out there or what I was gonna do, I just had to pedal. I had no plan. I just went. That’s what this felt like. Not trying to find or lose anything, just pedaling.
My gym. My temple
One thing I loved immediately was how small and stripped down everything became. The house was small. The kitchen table small. Our needs became small. It was simple. No artwork on the walls. It wasn’t decorated and theme parked. I wasn’t leaving my home for another home or some tropical paradise. The owner was letting us have it in between long time renters. She had the bare minimum and it was plenty. The theme carried over when I found this magical place on the beach. There were two pull up bars and two push up bars on the beach. They sat between the mass of humanity, on and off the beach. On one side people walked the ribbon of cement that separated the beach from the restaurants and commerce. On the other side was the beach and the ocean. I knew I was going to do lots of running in the sand but this became my temple.
Temples in Buddhism represent the pure land or pure environment of a Buddha. Traditional Buddhist temples are designed to inspire inner and outer peace.
I found deep inner and outer peace here. I replaced my gym membership, with all the endless machines and benches. I embraced a few feet of metal near the ocean. Plates, bars, and dumbbells were exchanged for simplicity. And I did the basics. Pull-ups. Push-ups. Body squats. Hundreds and hundreds of them. I didn’t miss the giant building full of fancy and expensive stuff. And oddly when I sat in the small house after a day at the beach. I also didn’t miss that other giant building I live in full of fancy and expensive stuff.
The only real wealth you can carry through life and death is profoundness of experience – Sadhguru
Either you step into what Sadhguru describes above or you keep chasing worth in all its commercial and social manifestations. I gingerly stepped off the axis of life and career. I dedicated 30 plus years to this with passion and love. This is not a Declaration of Independence or The Great Escape. This is not a warning, You don’t need saving or rescuing. I’m not a priest or a firefighter. I am merely an observer. At the start of this rambling, Jay Shetty mentioned that life keeps you on its rails. Maybe we need to be kept on rails. We need structure and obligations, we need alarm clocks, bosses, and yearly reviews. We need lists and overtime, we need meetings and performance anxiety. Maybe we need to feel like impostors, workaholics, overachievers, and constant worriers. I’m not trying to paint a picture of life as being bad. I love life. I truly deeply love life.
Breathe. Smile and go slowly.
I spent that month deeply connecting with my wife. We found absolute joy in being responsible to nothing but our inherent happiness. I ran in the sand. I swam in the ocean. I stared at clouds. I felt insanely alive and happy.
Isn’t the point of everyday to enjoy everyday?
I thought quietly to myself. Not daring to offer that to this world. When you get to fully embrace that magic all I felt was deep gratitude. Overwhelming gratitude.
If you are what you do, then your value is how well you do it. This can turn from emotional investment into identity attachment – Chris Williamson
This is a tough sentence to really get in the ring and stand toe to toe with. Who we are can be so clearly defined by careers and jobs in this society. And it takes on an immense value. Our worth and self worth become so entangled in a job that we can lose ourselves and our true value. How much we make. How big our titles are. How important we think we are slowly take precedence over who we are. We barely have time to be the parents, husbands, wives, brothers, sisters, friends, neighbors we want to be. And zero time for who we want to be.
Am I creative or a creation?
Approval and compliments definitely fueled my young self around creating. From my mom to my high school art teacher. I was acknowledged as special and different. I could fill a blank page with an image using my hands and eyes. For me it very much carried forward in my career in advertising. Advertising is a creative craft solely based on approval. The clients. The consumers. The focus group. The creative director. Our peers. Our partner. Our inner critic. And the endless award shows that convinced, validated and stamped our creativity with congratulations you are good at this. Or not.
After years of doing everything in my power to get to Fallon. My dream job. Sacrificing relationships both at work and in my personal life. Sacrificing time with people that loved me for a job I seemed to love more at times. Sacrificing my mental and physical well being. I finally got into Fallon. I moved to Minnesota. Away from everything and everyone I knew and loved. Walked confidently into that job feeling like I had done the right thing.
A very famous and long time Fallon writer didn’t think my partner and I deserved or belonged there. He made that public information. Approval denied. So what does one do? I doubled down on everything. 14 more years of doubling down. Seeking validation and worth in what was already one of the hardest creative departments to exist within and stay in.
The shaky foundation of my self worth was built around all of this. That lasted until this year, when I came home from Florida. Work slowed down and stayed slow. I did not double down or panic. I avoided running into the darkness. The worthless validation from this industry I had given all my talent and time to. I resisted once again looking for more validation, approval, and worth. I did the opposite for change. I broke the chain.
In the final moments of my last full time job I was on a zoom call getting laid off. I was being told how sorry they were this was happening. I said this.
“If you don’t want me here. I don’t want to be here”
This was my impression in that moment. It was received with mix reviews. That subtle look of, you mean you aren’t crushed you can’t work here? You aren’t going to tell us how great we are? Aren’t you thankful you were part of the family? No. I’m not going to say those things. Sorry,
When I got back from a month in Florida and the phone didn’t ring the way it did last year. Yes, I openly admit, I had a self worth crisis. Guilty. I’ve been trained, manipulated and accepted over many years to turn on myself. It was short and intense. Then I said the same thing I said to my former employers to my career.
If you don’t want me here, I don’t want to be here.
I proceeded to wake up every single day and enjoy being where I am. Not where I wasn’t wanted or not needed.
Your experiences do not form you. You form yourself by understanding your experiences – Unknown
Me. The human being. Which is the ultimate form of creativity. Creating a better version of myself. Creating a better world at every chance. My creative self worth is in service to others. That worth is already inherent. It needs no validation. It is outside the realm of criticism and approval, likes and dislikes. Creativity exists the minute we where born. You are an act of creativity as am I. And a phone call from advertising does not change that, diminish that or validate that.
That month in Florida was my personal and long overdue Kubrick moment.
Eyes wide shut: For one to be seemingly aware of something, but deliberately choosing to ignore or not fully acknowledge it, often implying a denial of uncomfortable truths or realities,
You work 8 hours to live 4. You work 6 days to enjoy 1. You work 8 hours to eat in 15 minutes. You work 8 hours to sleep 5. You work all year just to take a week or two vacation. You work all your life to retire in old age, and contemplate only your last breaths.
Eventually you realize that life is nothing but a parody of yourself practicing for your own oblivion. We have become so accustomed to material and social slavery that we no longer see the chains.
Life is a short journey, live it.
Collect memories, not material things.
~
Happy New Year Badasses.
OUR MISSION 