BADASS Bobby Marsden – The focus is the journey, not the imagined result. 

This badass conversation started on April 25th, 2024. Discipline, habits and actions.

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You just turned 50. (Happy birthday ) How does that feel?

Thanks.
I feel better than the day before, and that’s all I aspire to feel every morning. 

You promptly reached out to share your arrival at 50, you seem by normal standards extremely excited, why?

Who wouldn’t want to be part of a group that has the term “Badass” in its title? I’m excited about the journey I am on. I feel by sharing positive energy, positive things will happen. A requirement to be considered for the “Over50badasses” group is partly based on something I have no control over. My age. The rest…is on me. And I’m honored to be in consideration. I hope I can add something to an already prestigious group of badasses. 

Can you share your biggest fear about turning 50?  

Yes. My biggest fear as I turn 50 is losing my Dad. 

Fear = anticipation of a loss that leads to pain or death. My Dad’s death will result in my loss, which will lead to my pain. I lost my Mom when I was 24 and I can remember what that felt like. I imagine my Dad’s death may be even more painful because that means I will be losing the last person on Earth that I feel has loved me more than they loved themselves. And as I say this…I start to feel gratitude. And then, I feel my fear of losing my Dad start to fade away. I appreciate questions like this. They create a space where I can invite a feeling in, and spend some time with it.

I’ve found that when I become familiar with my feelings, they help guide me to better understand myself, and my place in the world. 

I’m very sorry about your Mom. If you can or want to, could you reflect on living half your life without her physical presence here in this existence?

Thank you for your gentle approach to this question. My relationship with my Mother was special. Her impression and essence are imprinted on me, and I believe a part of her is still of this Earth because of that. There are moments when I think about her, and would like to be able to see her smile, hear her laugh, listen to a lesson she is teaching me, hug her, see her name pop up on my cell phone, and all the things that are possible if she were still with us. In those moments, I choose to sit with the pain that washes over me. I choose to do this because I know that the pain will eventually subside as I become familiar with it, and then I will be with my Mother’s essence again. At that point, I am able to tap into her essence and use this connection as a guide in my decision making. 

What would my Mom think about this? Sometimes she answers back. 

“I will be losing the last person on Earth that I feel has loved me more than they loved themselves.” As a parent I feel this sentence very deeply. What have you learned from receiving that kind of love from your dad?

Empathy is a beautiful thing, and I’m happy and grateful to share in this feeling we have as parents. What I continually learn from the relationship I have with my Dad is that love is possible, it is powerful, and rare in its truest form. I have learned to recognize the feeling when it is genuine, and also when it is manufactured.

My ears perk up when I hear words like, creating a space, inviting a feeling in, guide me to better understand myself, and my place in the world. Are you a seeker?

I’m grateful to hear my values have grabbed your attention. I would say I am an adventurer rather than a seeker. I feel there is a big difference and it has to do with expected outcomes. I feel a seeker moves in a direction because they have envisioned something they are looking to experience or accomplish. It’s the goal that drives the actions.

I feel an adventurer sets out for the sake of adventure, and is open to whatever the outcome is.

The focus is the journey, not the imagined result.  There really is only one true conclusion in our lives anyway, which is inevitable, so I choose to be in the moment and make the most out of it. 

Could you please share examples of where you believe you are living or have lived your best Adventurer journey?

After working with a wonderful therapist, I was able to accept that I have always been on an adventure with no destination, and always will be. So really for me, every day is just a part of the larger (and singular) “adventurer” journey. In the spirit of trying to put this in relative terms with examples, I’ll describe one of the paths I continue to walk called work. I was raised, like many, to believe in a system that asks us to go to school, get a job working for a solid company, work hard, save money, and retire. So this is what I pursued. 

After a stereotypical, Midwest, middle class upbringing…I went to college and studied aviation. I thought being a pilot would be fun and pay well. I found out there were a LOT of rules I’d have to follow as a pilot which made sense, except one. I’d only be able to advance in my career based on the time I put it. In other words, no matter how well I performed…my only advancement in working for the airlines would be based on time, not necessarily performance.

So as a junior in college, I decided this was not the career experience I wanted. I had a friend who was in the theater department and that looked like fun. So..I decided to try it because I wanted to have some fun. And I fell in love with storytelling. And more importantly, I saw that the better you were as an actor, the faster you rose. Aha! I graduated college with a degree in aviation in 1997, and chose a career path in acting. I did well enough as an actor locally in Minneapolis, that I decided to take my act on the road to Hollywood in 1999. It had worked for Brad Pitt, so why not me? Over the next few years, I experienced some highs, offset by more lows. But mainly (and I didn’t realize this at the time), I was gaining invaluable experience.

I learned the art of the hustle, the ability to take rejection, and I was exposed to how a production set worked.

It was this exposure, along with my curiosity, that led me to realizing that working on the production team may be where I feel most comfortable as a storyteller. I dove into producing content through music videos and short films. After I had produced a library of short form content, I coordinated a screening to celebrate the work, along with some fellow filmmakers back in 2006. We all simply wanted to see our work on the big screen. Having attended film festivals as an actor, I remembered what I experienced and just recreated it. I acquired some sponsors, a theater, a venue for the after party, and then told everyone I knew. So did all the other filmmakers. The event blew up with over 500 people in attendance, and that motivated me to produce another event. And another. And after many successful events, a producer from Fallon Minneapolis took notice and offered me a job.

That led to my introduction to working in advertising – and a paycheck with benefits! Somehow…I was now walking the path I had been taught to walk, which was “get a job working for a solid company.” After years of working for advertising agencies in Minneapolis, I began to miss the production side of things. And I missed Los Angeles. So I took a job in 2014 as an EP for a production company based in LA.

On the drive across the country with my dog, I needed a place to stay in Utah, and the one place I found that took dogs (and looked cool) was a glamping resort. We stayed in a yurt and I fell in love with the experience of feeling like I was camping, but without the hassle of setting up a tent. This would prove to be pivotal for me years later. And also a great example of how random experiences along your journey can become hugely influential. 

Back to the work adventure in LA…I continued working in production in Los Angeles for many production companies, for Netflix, and even though it seemed from the outside that I was successful, I didn’t feel happy. 2020. The pandemic hit. And like most in production, the work stopped. The pandemic was also a time when I discovered woodworking. The opportunity came from one of my wife’s art clients who randomly asked her if she could take her resin art work and apply it to creating a set of bar stools that would combine resin and wood. She brought the project to me, knowing I had unexpected time on my hands, and I said “why not?” I had no business taking the project on, but I did have time. And I did have an adventurous spirit.

Building those stools involved a LOT of trial and error, and the result led to a side hustle which I still run today. 

Had it not been for the pandemic, I doubt I would have acquired this new pursuit of home decor builder. Fortunately the opportunity presented itself, and I was open to receiving it. Most importantly, I launched an LLC to support this side-hustle, and I learned about what it takes to form a business of your own. From there, I started working for myself as a producer versus working for someone else’s company. And have never looked back.

Fast forward to now, and I am in the process of launching a new business venture that supports the glamping industry. I still work in production. I still work as a furniture designer and builder. I still work for myself, and now I’m bringing my passion for outdoor hospitality to life through my new venture called Glamptuary. Not exactly how you’d draw up the career path of someone graduating from college with an aviation degree. It does feel like a continual adventure though, and one I am excited to be on. 

“There really is only one true conclusion in our lives anyway,” what is your relationship with death?

I feel I have a higher comfort level with death after my NDE (near death experience) back in January of 2004. Prior to that, I saw death as a loss. After experiencing my NDE, I began to see death as a transformation…and I still do. What was truly remarkable though, was through my NDE – I felt like the universe was speaking directly to me. At that point in my life back in 2004, I was not happy with where I was, or who I was. I felt at odds with everything around me and at night before I fell asleep, I would actively ask (sometimes out loud) for change. I felt directionless. I felt like I was asking for divine help. Not from a God or any specific being…just help from something beyond what I knew to exist. Every night I would think so hard on this and ask and ask for change.

It wasn’t a specific ask like “I want to be rich” or “I want to find love.” My ask was simply, “I want to change.” 

Then things went boom. 

In January of 2004, I was heading to MSP airport, headed back to Los Angeles after being home for the holidays, and headed back to the same life I was wanting to leave. On Highway 494, a driver lost control of his vehicle…crossed a median…and hit me head on. As this was all happening, I can clearly recall my thoughts. In fact, I can say with certainty that those moments were some of the most clear I have ever experienced. I remember first thinking that I hoped the other driver was able to regain control of their car. They were so far from me, and separated by a huge median in the freeway, that I never imagined I’d be involved. But as the truck veered into the median and began crossing the ditch, I realized I would be involved. Initially, I tried to steer clear and when they say things slow down during accidents…I will 100% agree that everything felt like super slow motion. My attempts to avoid the crash were proving to be pointless. Impact was imminent.

And then I remember a warm wave passing through me as I took my hands off the wheel…foot off the brakes…and I sat back. I said to myself “I hope this doesn’t hurt too much.” 

I was told it took over two hours to cut the GMC Jimmy apart to remove my lifeless body. The paramedics went to work on site and somehow, I came back to my body from where I was. I am not sure where I was, or what I was, when I was, wherever I was. What I do remember is a sense of clarity, and a sense of belonging to a rhythm that included a collection of presence I could not see. And as I came too in the ambulance, I felt as though I had just traveled a great distance at a very fast rate. Faster than I ever had before. As I lay there broken, and alive, I knew that I had been somewhere otherworldly. And maybe most importantly for me, I knew wherever I was felt wonderful. 

Years later I saw a film titled The Tree of Life, written and directed by Terrance Malick. In it, as the film was depicting a scene about death and transformation, a shape appeared and I felt an instant connection with it. It’s the only time I felt connected to my experience back in 2004. Maybe this is what I saw? I don’t know. What I do know is I formed a new relationship with death that day back in 2004.

Do you have any disciplines, habits, methods, actions, ideology, that helps you get the most out of every day?

Absolutely and my daily practice of my ideology, discipline, habits and actions are what keeps me going. 

The Ideology I learned through working with a therapist (I call him a life coach) is to shed the desire to judge anything or anyone. With no judgment, there are no successes or failures. I can just be in the moment and appreciate it. And grow from it. 

The Discipline I follow is to make decisions based on my value system. In order for me to do this, I first needed a set of values. This is also something that was born from working with my life coach. I can’t believe I lived for so long without a clear set of values. It does explain the repeated times I asked my past self “Why did I do that?” without being able to come up with an answer. That led to confusion, anxiety, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Once I developed a clear set of values, I understood who I was and wanted to be present with every decision I was making. That led to my decision to remove alcohol from my life. You can’t be present when you’re drunk. And being present is a top value for me. 

The Habits I have developed to keep my life practice sharp are:

• Daily morning journaling so I can put my thoughts in a tangible place outside of my mind. 
• Setting boundaries and not bending when pushed to compromise
• Working through sessions with my life coach, even when things seem to be going well. There is always something to work on and explore.
• Taking time to learn new skills, without any purpose other than to learn. This is a great exercise for the brain, and gets it firing synapses in new ways which leads me to see everything differently. 
• Practicing active listening. This leads to higher empathy, and a greater sense of feeling like I am a part of the universe. 

The Action take is simple.

Move. It doesn’t matter where. Just move.

Just an observation. You graduated with a degree in aviation There were a LOT of rules you would have to follow as a pilot which made sense, except one. You would only be allowed to advance in your career based on the time you put it. Here you are with a lot of guidelines which make sense to you and your life, and the one that made no sense is the one you seem to be living the most. You are capable of advancing yourself and your life based on the time you so willingly put into it. Maybe you became that pilot after all?

While I’m a huge fan of safe travel, which is made possible by the rules set in place by the FAA, and the global aviation industry as a whole…I’m also a huge fan of pilots like Emelia Earhart and Chuck Yeager. Both defied societal and industrial rules – and we are better for it. My opinion is they did what they did because they felt passionate about making a statement they wanted the world to listen to, regardless of what the rules said at the time. That passion compelled them to rewrite the rules. I’ve always known I had something to say. Through becoming a pilot, I learned that my passion was not in aviation. We learn by doing and I’m grateful I discovered that my path was not that of a professional aviator. So for me, I saw no purpose in changing the rules that were in place. Thus began a new journey for me, in search of what I’m passionate about. Isn’t that really the journey we’re all on? Aren’t we all looking to find what we’re passionate about? And then, don’t we feel compelled to tell the world about what we feel passionate about?

So in that sense – maybe we are all pilots…navigating the world in search of our passion. 

Congratulations on removing alcohol from your life. You said you can’t be present when you’re drunk. And being present is a top value for me. Can you try and explain the value of being present on a daily basis?

Thank you. Removing alcohol from my diet has been one of the most rewarding decisions I’ve made in my life. To me, being present means being mindfully and empathetically engaged with your environment. If you’re being mindful, you are aware of the world around you. If you’re empathetic, you care about how your actions affect the world around you. If you’re engaged, you are active in affecting the world around you. 

Life is an ongoing exchange between us and everything around us.

The more present we are, the more we can provide and take in. It’s this cycle that keeps life moving. Some people call this flow. Others call it vibration. Others call it harmony. When we are not present, we interrupt the flow. We are out of tune. Things begin to not feel right for us, and what surrounds us. The cycle is broken and so is the harmony.
This is why I practice being present. I want to participate in the cycle and help create harmony. 

Could you please elaborate on this habit? Setting boundaries and not bending when pushed to compromise.

Setting boundaries is directly related to being present. Being present brings clarity, and brings you closer to finding what you’re looking for. Think about it this way…if you’re acting from a place of inner truth, your actions will be in harmony with your thoughts. Your mind and body act in unison. When this happens (when we feel in the flow), we exude an energy that calms and attracts others. This attraction happens on a subconscious level and is hard-wired into our DNA. We are attracted to like-minded energy, and repulsed by energy that feels negative. 
The trick is… figuring out what your inner truth is. Without knowing that, and more importantly accepting it, you’ll never be present, and won’t know how to set a boundary. 
When you become comfortable with yourself, and the boundaries you’ve set for yourself, you’ll attract others like you.

Cue the harmony.  

You are trapped on the moon. You can’t be rescued. You are looking back at earth, what will you miss most about living here?

Depending on the intentional (or unintentional) decision I made to get myself to the moon – my answers may vary widely. Maybe I fled to the moon because Earth was self-destructing? Or maybe, I came for a visit to explore new territory, with the expectation I was to return to Earth? Or maybe, I came to the moon on a one way ticket to help build the first colony, knowing I would never see its completion, but would play a part in its creation? I like number 3. If number 3 were true, I imagine I would not be thinking about being rescued. I’d be focused on the path I was building for others to enjoy. And therefore, I would not see my situation as trapped. I’d feel hopeful – which is the most free anyone can feel. I also imagine I would think about Earth during my time on the moon… and I think I’d miss the things I didn’t do while I had the chance.

Did I visit one of the arctic poles? Did I feed a giraffe? Did I say “I love you” to everyone I love? 

You are given 2 minutes on a global broadcast what would you say to the world?

I’d read THE NINE PRAYERS by Thich Nhat Hanh – which is also what I read as a blessing at my son’s wedding. I’d preface it by saying this is my wish for everyone. 

May they be peaceful, happy, and light in body and spirit.

May they be free from injury. May they live in safety.

May they be free from disturbance, fear, anxiety, and worry.

May they learn to look at themselves with the eyes of understanding and love.

May they be able to recognize and touch the seeds of joy and happiness in themselves.

May they learn to identify and see the sources of anger, craving, and delusion in themselves.

May they know how to nourish the seeds of joy in themselves every day.

May they be able to live fresh, solid, and free.

May they be free from attachment and aversion, but not be indifferent.

And then I’d sit in silent meditation for the time remaining – trying to listen to the world.

If you could write the first 3 lines of your eulogy what would you want it to say?

He lived. He learned. He loved. 

Bobby Marsden, Dad, Husband, Producer, Woodworker, Glamper, Adventurer, Life pilot

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