This badass conversation started on January 26th, 2023. “I believe in empathy”
How young are you today?
57.
How did you feel about turning 50?
At the time turning 50 was a non-event. I remember drinking my coffee on my birthday morning 12-26 and getting a text sending birthday wishes and I barely acknowledged it. Maybe denial? At the time it didn’t seem like it but in retrospect possibly. Also I worked and played with humans at least 10 years younger than me. At the time I was surfing at least 4x a week.
The ocean doesn’t age discriminate, and neither did the amazing humans I encountered in the water at that time.
When I was in my mid-forties I’d set a goal to run a marathon before I turned 50. I doubled it and ran two. When I was 48 & 49. Later into my 50th year I came to realize not all people my age were in the same boat as me. We all know that story. I was and still am so grateful for paths I took in my thirties that set the course for my current state of badassery.
Why do you think you were in denial?
I think it was denial because I didn’t feel older(?) than the days or years before, I was healthier than I’d ever been and living a great life. My father retired to an over 55 community in Arizona some years back and the last time I visited there I was around 51, thinking holy shit, this is not my path. The place felt like heavens waiting room. Good motivation for a healthy lifestyle? Probably not. Doing something, even living a healthy lifestyle because you don’t wanna be like someone else is not being your true self.
There’s no serenity in always looking over your shoulder.
The ocean doesn’t age discriminate, do you feel the discrimination outside those waters?
I see the topic of age discrimination coming up more these days in the workplace, and working in a competitive field where your clients average age is decades lower than yours is tough. They are more impressed with the car wash or breakfast burrito client services gifted than the service and skill my craft provides. Also theres the social part of working with younger humans. Their interests and agendas are quite different, understandably. I’ve been blessed with a career path that has taken a slightly different route, allowing me a more senior role in most cases.
About the ocean. Mother Ocean doesn’t know if you’re rich, poor, black, white, brown, old or young. You are just another human bobbing on a board watching the horizon waiting for a wave. She doesn’t care if you rolled up in a Honda civic or a Lamborghini. Whether you are starring in the next Spiderman or working swing-shift at Walgreens. There’s no VIP we are all one.
Then came the people…
But something heartbreaking happened in So Cal. The pandemic happened, Costco started making (very non-climate or earth friendly BTW) surfboards for $100.00 and everyone became a surfer. Imagine if at your favorite park where you Scott love to go pull your tire up a hill, and a bus showed up and 150 other people who have no regard for your presence mindlessly dropped in. Every day more busses, “free tires, work out like a PRO just like that guy on TV! Oops did I just run you over, sorry bro. Sorry I dropped my tire on you head. Oh do you mind if I just leave my water bottle here, Hey where’s Steve…STEVE STEVE! Over here there’s just this one old guy all by himself.” You get the picture. It got to a point where I was surfing graveyard shift to avoid the crowds. Which is an amazing experience unto itself and great if you don’t have a day job. Thankfully I rediscovered the trails and running. The running community and people are of the same blood that I witnessed when surfing 15 years ago. A caring, empathetic community. Which is a whole other chapter and probably even more off the question topic than my above rant.
In your opinion what is it about humans in oceans, and woods, and mountains, and race courses and gyms where there is no age discrimination only celebration of doing and being?
I believe in empathy. The moments I see that make the age gaps disappear are when we are sharing experiences with others and caring about their well being. Especially when in nature, a world that man has not effected. The human ego subconsciously dissolves a little bit. Allowing us to serve others without personal agenda or discrimination. Umbutu- I am because we are.
“The human ego subconsciously dissolves a little bit.” I love that reflection on nature. Where are you after 57 years with your relationship with your ego?
It’s ebb and flow. I’m human and I get caught up in myself. Luckily I have amazing people in my life, and a pretty solid spiritual practice. I find that when things go sideways I have the tools to deal with it. Hit the pause button.
Think of others instead of myself. I’m the common denominator and when I stop the ME thinking and see another perspective it helps.
“There’s no serenity in always looking over your shoulder.” I also love this, can you expound about this idea a bit more?
Be here now. Don’t carry your resentments or regrets around with you. We’ve all been through really really hard stuff. I can’t let that trauma ruin my opportunity to be the best person I can be today.
As a 57 year young human how do you now serve others without personal agenda or discrimination?
It can be as easy as saying hi to people you run into during the day. Making eye contact with the cashier at the grocery store, holding the door open for someone, simple kindness. Be the light and the change you want to see in the world. You’d be shocked at how just simple actions can really turn a day around for you and for someone else.
You said you set a goal to run a marathon before you turned 50. You doubled it and ran two, when you were 48 & 49. First, congratulations. Where has running taken you since then?
My running has led me first and foremost to The Skid Row Running Club. I’ve been with them for 6 or so years. Its an amazing group started by Superior Court Judge Craig Mitchell. In a nutshell, he started the club 10 years ago when a gentleman he had paroled invited him down to the midnight mission where he was staying, to go for a run. The judge started the club for those who wish to get off the streets. For more info check out https://youtu.be/lq4o8P_seMc The club is also open for everyone. As far as races or designated runs I’ve done 6 or 7 marathons, depending on this release date. LA Marathon is in a couple weeks. Too many halves and 10/5k’s. Only one ultra. But that’s not a bad start considering I only started organized participating in races when I was 49.
You mentioned you were grateful for the paths you took in your thirties that set the course for your current state of badassery. What were those paths?
I got sober when I was thirty, twenty seven years ago.
Having spent the last half of my teens and all of my twenties under the influence of anything within arms reach, I figured it would be a good idea to take a different path. My trajectory had me closer to jails, institutions, or death. I would crash in my car or in a friends basement. I had nowhere to go and would often find a bench at the local park. There was a time when I was in and out of some weird consciousness,
I would wake myself up yelling at someone who was in my head, meanwhile folks are walking around me like WTF?
I was that guy. Having been there I think it ties to the empathy I have for the humans I see today, living on the streets. We have a huge lack of humanity in our society. You don’t have to look far to see it and you don’t have to do much to help but rarely do. Even just acknowledging another person helps. We are all humans. Ali said “Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on earth.”
What is your current state of badassery from your point of view?
My current state of badassery….I have a couple of runs planned this year I’m really looking forward to. The biggest is a 52 mile ultra the club has annually in the LA river. From the top up in the valley to long beach. It always happens late summer so it is sort of a free day in hell. This will be my first year. I’ve supported a couple years and wasn’t able to run because of injury, but this is the year. Also a 32 mile Joshua Tree run as well as the above mentioned LA Marathon. I spend as much time as I can outdoors. A couple of years ago I got a rooftop tent and it has totally freed me up. Like a Hilton on top of my Subaru. Los Angeles is a very easy city to get out of and find nature. Whether its jumping into Santa Monica mountains for a trail run or heading up the coast or to the desert.
What lesson has running taught you?
It’s a mental game. When I was training for a marathon a couple years ago I was in my head about breaking my PR. I worked all the steps doing sprints, long runs everything a training program prescribes. But I wasn’t getting the results. I called Allie Kieffer, who had trained me for a minute, she’s amazing BTW.
She told me I needed to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
When starting a race I’d always hold back to a degree knowing the miles ahead would take a toll. But what I didn’t know was that I could push a little harder, go a little faster and I’d still survive. Another lesson that I take into every aspect of my life. I welcome the discomfort. If conversations start to get hard and vulnerability starts knocking, welcome it and explore the feelings you would otherwise run from.
Congratulations on 27 years of sobriety. What would you say to someone who is struggling with addiction?
Find a power greater than yourself. For years I did it my way. That often lead me to a comfy park bench or the reclining seat of my Honda civic. When I let go of my control and was able to honestly admit I had a problem that I alone couldn’t fix, the struggle eased up and the healing began. My old ideas and resentments were like a boulder on my back.
You said ”I spend as much time as I can outdoors.” Can you explain your relationship with nature?
We live on this beautiful one of a kind planet where all the forces of the universe work perfectly to allow life, LIFE. There is no other place that we know of so far that can do what earth does. When in nature I’m allowed the space to feel that connection to life, to the harmony of it all. The amazing gift we have My relationship with nature is complicated. Peace connection, sorrow shame it’s all there.
How did the LA marathon go?
It went well, I had no expectations. Ran with some of the club members. Felt great afterword. Looking forward to this ultra in a couple weeks.
Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Amen! Aging, despite all the heartwarming made for TV images of older humans on golf courses, in European cities, and on sailboats on the open ocean is a very hard process. What is you mindset around the YOU that will be changing over the next 30-40 years?
Healthier eating for sure. I’m not the best eater, my vitals are all good cause I run my ass off but after a check up last week my Dr. said burritos for lunch every day is probably not the healthiest option. What I won’t look like is the folks on sailboats or putting around on a golf course the rest of my years. If you didn’t pick it up already I’m a huge fan of giving back and being of service to others. I’m pretty involved in a few non-profits already and I only see those commitments growing.
Let’s pretend that every human on this entire planet could read this. The planet is yours. What would you say to every living human here?
Treat others the way you want to be treated. Every human on this earth is a soul, a light, a being, just like you. Act accordingly.
Jim Rohn said, “You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with.” Who are the 5 people over the course of your life that you feel created the YOU in this moment and why?
Wow. My children- they taught me so much. How to be selfless. That I am not the center of the universe.
My partner Connie- I’m so blessed to have her in my life. I learn from her every day the practice of mindfulness and being present. Farther back in time. My father who put a guitar in my hands at a young age and opened up my heart to music. That’s only three I hope Jim understands.
You mentioned working in a competitive field where your clients average age is decades lower than yours is tough. Can you tell us your job and what you do?
I’m a nerd who mixes and supervises sound for film and TV.
The generation gap thing I referenced was when I was working more in advertising. I was 52 and most of my clients were in their late 20’s. There was rarely a personal connection. The clients were more interested in where they got their lunch from or that the studio across town had a great breakfast chef and would wash you car for you, than where they were. In a sound studio making things sound cool. It was a weird vibe. After a couple years the agency lost clients I got laid off as well, how it goes in the corporate world (not my place to be). I took my severance thanked them, and by the time I got to my car I had a gig on a film, a creative beautiful film about the inner city youth learning robotics. Something that moved me a lot more than 20 plus years of selling hot dogs, cars and beer.
Today Jeff is in his Subaru heading to the mountains for a run. He drives by a park and notices twenty year old Jeff sitting on a park bench yelling loudly to no one. You stop. What do you say to him?
Follow your heart 100%. Trust your intuition and stop trying to be someone you are not. Life will be awesome just don’t give up. Your going to suffer. It’s going to hurt, sometimes very, very bad but you are strong, very strong and in the end you will be ok. Better than ok, you will be a warrior, and you will know peace. You are loved!
Lets talk about getting laid off, a subject that is very relevant for our age group. What was you mindset as you left the security of the corporate prison?
Ahh very well put “The security of a corporate prison.”
I honestly was very relieved. I have a mantra that “the universe isn’t going to give you anything you cannot handle.” I had also become pretty cynical after years and years of mixing ads. I was ready to take my skills in a different direction.
The corp world thrives on the exploitation of talents for profit.
I’d see producers begging for mix for time with no money. I’d think Ok . You’re working for a multi-million dollar company where the owners live in mansions and fly in private jets, who’s clients are multi-billion dollar companies and there’s not a couple thousand bucks to mix a spot you shot for 2 million dollars? It’s the capitalist dream. The kids would get hired there and work their ass off for pennies being brainwashed that they should be grateful to work on a TV commercial selling beer during the”Big Game.” Or that if they work harder hopefully next year they might. I’m not a kid anymore and there are plenty of young upstart audio guys wanting that dream. I was over it.
You mentioned Connie your partner has taught you the practice of mindfulness and being present. How does that manifest itself on a daily basis for you?
I am so blessed to have Connie in my life. She founded and runs a non-profit called Worthy Beyond Purpose. https://worthybeyondpurpose.org/
It brings mindfulness and meditation to children. How it manifests in my life today is it helps me to be less scattered in my thoughts and more controlled in my actions. It is very easy for me, who is diagnosed ADD, to be all over the place. The scene from the movie up where the dogs are flying in formation and the kids yells, hey squirrel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoyoW9dP1Bs
I have a lot less of those moments.
I don’t get video answers very often. Hilarious. Thank you. Do you have a race in your head or heart that you want to run, that either scares the life out of you or you feel is at the edge of your human possibility, that you are thinking, dreaming, or ruminating about doing?
Yes, every year The Skid Row Running Club holds a little run that covers the length of the LA River. Starting in the San Fernando Valley all the way down to Long Beach. It’s a brutal 56 miles on pavement usually on one of the hottest days of the summer. Over the time I’ve been with the club It’s been run I believe 5 or 6 times. On my first experience with the run, I was helping film with a little crew. The director and I were on bikes getting great shots of the runners. at around mile 26 I was goofing around and I hit a curb like structure that is in the river to churn debris into a center deeper channel when water is flowing, ala after a rain. I went head over heels and handlebars right into the concrete and blew up my right knee. Fracturing my tibia, tearing up my meniscus and blowing my ACL. I’ve since fully recovered after surgery and a hefty dose of PT. Last year I wasn’t in shape. This year is the year (nervous laughs)
What would be the last piece of music you want want to hear as you exist this existence?
Oh man, thats a hard one. Off the tip top of my head I’d say Unthought Known by Pearl Jam. To me, and I stress to me, as any art can be interpreted in many ways including lyrics. It’s a song that calls out the struggles of life and the messages that there is more. Theres “Nothing left, nothing here, not here” BUT LOOK UP “See the path cut by the moon, for you to walk on, See the waves on distant shores, Awaiting you arrival. Dream the dreams of other men You’ll be no one’r rival.” Beautiful
There are so so many tunes that put a lump in my throat, It would take a month just to find one.
All You need is Love
Your children are giving your eulogy. What would you hope they would say?
Scott these question keep getting easier. I hope they would mention the principals I’ve lived by. That we are all one on this planet. Skin color, money, gender, religion, orientation doesn’t matter. To truly know love, is to be able to share it with all.
If the other side has greeters. Who do you hope meets you and welcomes you? And why?
I had a dream once that I had died. I found myself on a beach and there was an event happening. I walked up to the party and started recognizing people I’d admired in my time on earth. Guru’s like Yogananda and his lineage, Buddha, Musicians I’d admired, family and friends that I had lost, they we’re all there. They lovingly circled me and my mother approached with tears, gave me a big hug and said
“We’ve been waiting for you, You made it, welcome home.”
Jeff Fuller, Empath, Musician, Runner, Surfer, Peacemaker, Pro-sober
OUR MISSION 